My Birth Story

My last pregnant picture on 5/31/12

I've tried to write this post for months and I figure it's best for me to get this down before years go by and I forget how quickly this went...

My last post talked about how I felt like it was going to happen so soon because I had my bloody show... well little did I know but it was actually the start of my water leaking very slowly.  That day (Tuesday) I called my doula and she said that with bloody show there is a bit of cervical mucous that can come with that.  Well fast forward a few days later and I think to myself wow.. this cervical mucous won't stop.  It's now Thursday and I called Heather who says it sounds like a leak, she came over that night to check and my water is definitely broken!

This was nothing like I expected and planned for.  I had hoped to spontaneously start feeling labor, follow all of the steps that I had studied and have a textbook birth, but of course, life isn't that simple.

So we had discussions about what to do, should we go to the hospital right away, should we wait to see if labor starts on its own, should we try to naturally stimulate it to happen???  To try to move forward with more of a natural birth process, we decide to not go to the hospital that night and give my body one more chance to go into labor.  We did everything we could think of, acupuncture (thanks to Donna's hubby, Kuan) nipple stimulation, keeping the lights low and... NOTHING.  At least this gave me and Matt the chance to really enjoy our last few moments as just us two.  We went to chinatown, had a great meal at Lao Shanghai and had bubble tea (my favorite triple berry freeze w/ice cream).  After we came home we laid in our bed (for what I now know will be the last night for a while...) and fell asleep for the last time as non-parents.

Chilling in the hospital bed..
hoping for Cervadil to kick start labor

The next morning we headed to Swedish Covenant Hospital.  I coincidentally had a 7am prenatal appointment.  With the hopes of still going into labor naturally, I actually lied to my midwives and told them my water had broken that morning, so the 24 hr rule of inducing didn't apply to me.  After careful consideration with Matt and after being in the labor and delivery triage for 1 hr, we decided that inducing was the best option for us.  The first thing they tried was the Cervadil.  They gave that to me around 10am and that stayed with me until about 3pm when I accidentally lost it when I went to the bathroom.  At that point, they offered me pitocin.

Ok - if any of you speak to me, you KNOW how I feel about pitocin, I wanted to avoid it at all costs and was convinced that if you had pitocin, not only would contractions be worse, but you automatically will end up with an epidural.  I also found out that at Swedish, they don't have waterproof telemetry units, meaning, no laboring in water for me.

WHAT? No tub labor, crazy contractions, the chance of an epidural???  I felt defeated and had no clue what to do.

I had a serious talk with my doula and she assured me (I now truly believe she lied to help me out) that pitocin contractions are not bad and that I could get through it.  I trusted her and I'm so glad that we made the decision we did.

4pm the contractions started, they weren't bad at first.  I was actually giggling about the machine saying I had contractions and that I didn't feel much... until it really hit.  Matt had to push on my lower back as they started coming.  I started in a side laying position, then my doula had me move into a position where I was hugging the back of the bed while on my knees, which really helped move things along.  After that I labored using the birthing stool, then poor Matt, after that I hung onto his neck screaming while contracting more.  The last position I used was hanging from the birthing bar with the bottom of the bed dropped down.

During this time I remember feeling like I wanted to give up so many times, I wanted that epidural!!  But Matt and Heather kept me going.  I did turn to Matt at one point and said, "I never want to f*cking do this again."  Not true now, but I really meant it then ;).

Skin to skin

At 12:30am they said I could push, which was the most relieving feeling EVER!  I always imagined pushing on all fours, but I was so exhausted, that I stayed on my back with my legs on the birthing bar. Heather wrapped a bed sheet around the bar like a rope so I could pull back on it while I pushed.  I pushed for 30 minutes and my midwife, Kim, said if I don't push him out in 30 seconds that they will have to give me an episiotomy.  I freaked out... then pushed my baby out in 30 seconds.  I later found out that the cord was wrapped around his neck twice.  I guess I work really well under pressure ;).

My son was born.  I'm a mother...

As soon as he was born they put him on my chest and the feeling of having my child with me for the first time was better than anything on earth.  It felt like going to the moon and back.  My world felt complete with him in my arms.  They let me hold him as long as I wanted and about 45 minutes later they weighed and measured him (6lbs, 13oz and 20 inches).  When Matt had his chance to hold him, he said at that moment a void in his life was filled.

6/2/2012 1:06am... the moment my world became complete.

Matt and I with our doula, Heather

Matt and I know we wouldn't have been able to do this without our doula, Heather.  When she walked into the labor and delivery room, we felt safe and comfortable that we had an expert there to help us.  If it wasn't for her, I know my labor would not have gone as smoothly and Matt would have had a lot of weight on his shoulders.  Heather - we are so grateful for the support you gave us and X is so lucky you were there to help us welcome him into this crazy world.


The next few days/weeks/months were a whirlwind.  Breastfeeding was the hardest thing I've ever done, figuring out how to handle him on my own, having to move back to Mokena for a month while my condo was under construction, leaving my baby for the first time while throwing Jast's bachelorette party, her wedding and more.  I'll be sure to update memories from the last three months, along with future milestones.  Life moves too fast and he changes so much that I don't want to miss a beat.

My world.

1month

2 months

3 months

Fears, hopes and showtime?

We are just about two weeks away.  TWO weeks.  I'll be hitting 38 weeks this Wednesday and all thats on my mind is whether or not I can do this... What's "this"?  ...Handling childbirth, being a mother, maintaining my career, taking care of my family, not forgetting who I am, being a good wife, and everything else that comes along with this situation. 

34 weeks

35 weeks

36

I've done all of this preparation to hopefully have this beautiful and natural childbirth.  But what if I can't handle the pain, what if something goes wrong and I end up having to get a C-section?  What if that "instinct" doesn't kick in and I have no idea what I'm doing when he gets here.  What if this whole motherhood thing just doesn't come as easily for me as it does for everyone else?

Lately, I've been on a really off sleeping schedule and will clean in the middle of the night.  Is this really nesting syndrome?  The last couple of nights I'd be up at 3:30am doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen, rearranging his room for the millionth time.  Last weekend I went to sleep around 10, got up around midnight and cleaned until about 2am, then went back to sleep. 


I keep reminding myself that the goal is to have a healthy baby boy that I can have in my arms. Regardless of all these fears, Matt and I are excited and can't wait to have our little family unit together. 


This morning my "show" happened.  Skip this paragraph if you're grossed out by pregnancy nasty stuff...  This morning I woke up and went straight to the bathroom (as usual) and as I stood up it happened - lost my mucus plug and had a my bloody show.  At first I wasn't quite sure what was happening, but thank goodness I had my Doula, Heather, that was just a text away.  Anyway - this can mean that labor can be days to a week or two away.  I'm really hoping its days vs. weeks :).  


This put Matt and I into a very odd mood - excited, scared, anxious and more.  Matt is getting ready to wind down and work and I'm worried I won't finish my big projects at work as well.  But like it or not, X is on his way.  


My little Xavier:
You're not so little any more... actually you feel really big in me :).  I can't believe this part of our journey is so close to ending and the next step in our lives together is going to start.  I ask your dad every day whether or not you'll love me the way I love you.  I hope his answer to me every time is right.  I day dream about what you'll feel like in my arms and think about how hard I'll have to try so hard to not pinch your cheeks.  Be good in there little boy!!

3rd trimester bumps

Pregnancy brain strikes again - I failed to post any  bump pictures in my last post.  Here are my 3rd tri bumps :).

31 weeks

32 weeks

33 weeks

Single digits!!

I am stunned that we are 33 weeks this week.  This pregnancy has just flown by in the blink of an eye.  The day I told Matt that I had a positive pregnancy test feels like yesterday.  I can still remember feeling my world spinning and Matt's eyes getting as big as I've ever seen them.  At this point X is probably around 4.5 pounds (the weight of a pineapple!!) and almost 20 inches.  It's been getting a little more rough for me, feet and hands are constantly swollen, heart burn is rough, and he takes up a lot of space, so breathing by the end of the day even difficult!  Eating has had to move onto smaller portions, because I just can't fit any more into my body!!

Working hard and painting!

We have been really busy since my last post and so many things have changed in our situation.  We've almost finished redoing X's room, had our baby shower, changed our childcare situation AND Matt's dad decided on his Korean name!  

My mom god a balloon maker AND photographer!

For X's room - we repainted and got new white furniture from Ikea (crib and dresser - that we're using a changing table) and we were able to find an awesome Dutailier glider on craigslist for only $140!  The colors are white, green and brown - using the Carter's elephants everywhere.  We aren't 100% done - so I'll be sure to post pictures of the nursery once we've put the finishing touches!

Fab 5 Quilt

On April 14 - my Mom and Sister hosted an AMAZING baby shower for Matt and I.  It was held at Hibachi Grill in the southside and had over 150 people there!!  We were truly overwhelmed, and felt extremely blessed by all of the love for Xavier and, of course, from everyone spoiling him sooooo much.  We received basically everything a baby could ever need and more - high chairs, the baby bullet, clothes, toys, blankets, towels, changing pads and supplies and more!!  We're so lucky to have such amazing parents and friends!!  I also received my long awaited quilt from the Fab 5.  I love it and it is already sitting on our rocking chair waiting for Xavier to roll around on it :).  Jastine and Jane planned some super funny games that people enjoyed. And, of course, it was a buffet - so you can't go wrong there!  You can check out all 494 pictures here.  




The next day we celebrated Matt's Dad's birthday and he shared with us that he had chosen Xavier's Korean name to be JaeWoo Yang!  He's named after an ancient Korean king.  I've tried to do some research, but it's hard to find anything on him. Hopefully by the time Xavier is old enough, we can get more info on him.  He's going to have one LONG name: Xavier JaeWoo Yang Dumlao Lee (We'll just use XJL for his initials). Lots of family love there :).  


Really exciting news as well - we were trying to coordinate the logistics for the nannyshare and Matt's dad shared that he was open to retiring early to help take care of Xavier!  This is such a blessing and a very easy decision to make - Xavier should always be with family before anyone else.  What a lucky little boy!

Baby XJL - we can't believe that you are less than 7 weeks away from being in our arms!!  I already can't help but poke at you in my belly and feel that you are really there and moving and growing!  Your dad and I think about you all the time and talk to you all throughout the night.  Lately, you really like listening to American Idol and hearing Jessica Sanchez sing.  I wonder if you'll be a lady's man when you get older.  Regardless - you will be smother with more love than you'd ever imagine when you're here!! I love you to pieces and can't believe you'll be here so soon.

Already smiling...

Xavier at 28 weeks!!

The past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of events, thank goodness my glucose test ended up okay.  We are starting our 29th week - officially into the 3rd trimester. I can't believe how quickly time has flown and in just a few short weeks little Xavier is going to be in our arms.  I can still remember when I figured out I was pregnant and told Matt for the first time, and now we're at the point where we can see his nose, eyes, lips, cheeks and make guesses as to who he looks the most like!!  Click here if you want to see all 68 pictures from his 28 week photoshoot (password: xavier) ;).  


At 29 weeks X is about 2.5 to 3 pounds and over 1 foot long!!  At this point he's done a lot of his developing and is moving a ton.  I can even feel him hiccuping and see his movements through my belly!

Normal breakfast

I wanted to say again how relieved I am to be done with that glucose testing.  I am so thankful that is not something I was diagnosed with and I'm going to continue to try to be as healthy as I can be with my eating habits and exercising habits.  At this point I am focusing on having as much protein as possible and walking everyday for 1-2 miles.  Most mornings I have cottage cheese, fruit, whole wheat toast and jelly.  Lunches are typically some sort of subway sandwich (even though I am SO sick of subway) and dinner is rice with veggies and meat.  

In addition to walking, I did my last "distance race" of this pregnancy on Sunday, March 25.  The Shamrock Shuffle was super fun.  I started the race off with Karen P. and Caroline K. (expecting and at 18 weeks!).  We had a great time at the race with some unexpectedly beautiful weather.  I finished the 8k race in 1hr and 8 minutes (avg. 13min & 40 sec mile) and felt great afterwards.  I did struggle a little bit with some cramping and slight braxton-hicks contractions during Mile 2 - which led me to walk about 1 mile through the race.  Overall, with walking and taking one bathroom break, I was pretty please with my time!   However, unless a random 5k comes up, this will be my last race until after X is born.  

28 weeks

29 weeks

Here's a few hump day bump day pix.  Of course pregnancy brain got the best of me and I missed a week 27.  Looking back I can't believe how quickly this belly has grown.  I feel huge.  I've started to have some swelling in my hands, feet and ankles.  I sleep with my feet up on pillows and wear compression socks through the day which has helped.  

My darling Xavier - I cannot believe you are only a few weeks away from being in our arms.  I love that you are so active in my belly and I can feel you every day. I'm going to miss having you with me all the time, but I can't wait for you to see and experience so many things in this world.  Your dad and I are working really hard on organizing your room and getting our place organized so you're not brought into the chaotic whirlwind we were living in.  So far - your room is by far the best room in our house ;).  We love you and can't wait to see that cute little smile in person.

Time for a strawberry sundae :)

So this morning I went in for the dreaded 3 hour glucose tolerance test (OGTT).  The test consisted of fasting from midnight, then getting up super early (6:30am) to head to Swedish Covenant to have the testing done.  When I arrived they do an initial finger prick and blood draw to test my fasting levels.  Then they give you a 100mg glucose drink (aka the most digusting stuff on earth) to drink in 3 minutes.  From there they drew blood every hour, three more times.  It was a miserable experience - this world really needs to find another way to test for this, because it's just cruel to not let a pregnant woman eat =P. 

The max levels vs. my results are:

Fasting: 95mg/dL vs. 87mg/dL
Hour 1: 180mg/dL vs. 190mg/dL
Hour 2: 155mg/dL vs. 126mg/dL
Hour 3: 139mg/dL vs. 103mg/dL

So I did fail one of the tests, but to be diagnosed you need to fail 2 of the 4, so I passed!!!!  I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am.  I feel like the effort I've put into staying healthy has not gone to waste :). 

I'll be honest - I'm going to have ice cream today to celebrate ;).

On a side note - when I found out the news and got excited - X started dancing in my belly.  He must know how happy I am.  I love that little guy.

Sugar sucks

I had my 1 hr glucose test done last Friday and just received the results.   Standard range is 60-139 and I scored 147, just enough to fail the test.  So, next step is to do the 3 hr glucose test, which requires you to fast starting at midnight (not hard since I'm sleeping by then!), head to the hospital first thing in the morning (I'm going tomorrow at 6:30am) to have 4 samples taken over the course of 3 hrs.  If I fail 2 or more of the tests, then I'll be diagnosed with gestational diabetes. 

This has been one of my worst fears through pregnancy since high blood pressure, diabetes and preeclampsia all run in my family.  I've done my best to maintain a decent diet (I know I'm not perfect, but I'm not eating McDonalds for every meal or anything!) and I continue to walk at least 1-2 miles everyday/every other day.  Sometimes people are just more prone to things than others and I guess I need to be even more careful than other women with what I eat and do.

I'm just going to pray tonight that the test goes well tomorrow. 

Cankles, doulas and dogs... oh my!



26 weeks


Xavier is 26 weeks old now!!  He's over a foot now, is about the size of a head of lettuce and is around 2 pounds!  His eyelashes have just about grown in and he's getting ready to open his eyes (do you think they'll be big or small? =P).  He has been kicking a ton and doing a lot of dancing in my belly - especially around mealtimes. 

My pregnancy brain has gotten the best of me and I forgot to take a 25 week picture, but I remembered my 26 week pic!  I really can't believe how quickly time is passing by - 3 more months and we get to meet him. 

I thought I'd be able to avoid the dreaded symptom of swollen hands, feet and cankles... but no luck there for me!  I'm lucky enough to have a hubby that will give me foot massages at night - but he did admit last night that he wishes I only had one foot.  Over the cruise my hands had swelled a bit and I can't wear my engagement and wedding ring anymore - so Matt bought me a replacement that fits so I don't look like a pregnant teenager when people see me. 

Last weekend Matt and I attended a Childbirth Education extensive weekend at Birthways.  We received a ton of information on how to execute our birth plan and watched more videos that I'd ever imagine in a weekend of children being born.  I'm doing my best to not fear what is a natural process, but I have to admit - I get really scared about whether or not I can really do this and make it.  To help us through our process we've decided that we plan to use a doula to help keep us on track and focused on what is most important - keeping Xavier and myself healthy!  We are waiting to hear which doula Birthways plans to place us with.  The program there covers 2-3 prenatal visits, full labor support and one post natal visit. 



"Hi Xavier!" says Agnes



Very randomly - Xavier already has his first pet - Agnes Lee.  She was an abandoned toy poodle that we adopted and we're so excited for them to meet each other.  Hopefully he has a childhood friend from her.  She already loves trying to sit on my belly - so I'm hoping thats a sign that she'll protect him when he's here!

Next update will have some 3d pix of Baby XL since we're heading back to First Peek Ultrasound during our 28th week to see who he looks like!!

Xavier - I can't believe that you are just a few months away from being in my arms.  I'm already dreading having to leave you and I can't wait to watch you grow up.  Your dad and I have been talking a lot lately about your future, where we hope you go to school, and how we hope you'll act.  We've learned that we just want you to be safe, figure out what makes you smile in this world and focus on your passions.  Keep on kicking little man!

Never obsolete

Before boarding the boat!

Sorry it's taken a bit since our trip for me to update!  Matt and I had such an amazing time together on our babymoon - my only wish is it was longer.  We headed out of Ft. Lauderdale on Royal Caribbean's Liberty of the Seas.  It was an amazing boat that stopped once in Cozumel where we chose to do a shore excursion of exploring the Mayan ruins of Tulum.  

Mayan Ruins

Matt & I in front of the temple

Even though eating was one of the highlights of our trip ;), I will say that my favorite part of the trip was just spending quality time with Matt.  While we are excited to have baby X in our lives, the trip made me realize what an amazing husband I have and how much our relationship has gone through.   Meeting when we were 17, not dating until we were 22, breaking up for a year, getting through Matt's law school years,  engagement/wedding, and now taking this next huge step together.  I can't imagine anyone else doing this with and I'm glad we had one last chance to get away and just focus on each other (even though we thought about little Xavier the whole time =P).  I walked off that boat even more in love that I thought I could be with this guy I've been looking at for the last eight years.


Here are a few pix to peep from our trip:

Bikini Belly!

Last dinner

Formal dinner (yes, i took a picture of the picture... it cost $20!)

Bikini Belly Part 2!

Celebrating 1 year =)

So onto the second love of my life... Xavier is 24 weeks this week!!!  Can you believe how quickly this is happening?  Only about 16 weeks away and we get to meet our little cutie pie.  X is definitely over a pound now and about the size of a grapefruit and about a foot long!  His lungs are forming more quickly and he's starting to plump up and really start to look like a little baby.  We're planning on visiting X again and getting a 3d ultrasound around 28 weeks, so we can't wait for that.  Who do you think he'll look like?!


And let's not forget our Hump Day Bump Day pix!

22 weeks!

23 weeks!

24 weeks!

To our little Xavier:  I hope that when you grow up that you end up as loving and caring of a man as your Dad.  He does everything he can to make me happy and has been amazingly supportive during this pregnancy.  All he thinks about is how to keep you safe and how to keep me smiling - you're so lucky to have him as your Dad.  

Almost 1 pound!

I know it's been a while since I blogged! We are actually starting our 21st week already.  Our little Xavier is the size of the banana.  We had our anatomy ultrasound and they told us that he's 15 ounces - just under one pound!  He's starting to form little teeth buds where his teeth will come in and he's producing something called meconium (TMI - but basically what will be in his first poop once he's born!). 

As far as myself - my belly has been growing and the worst symptom I have is just being itchy all the time, which is probably a mix of being in winter and stretching my belly out.  Here's the last round of hump day bump day pictures. 
 

19 week bump!


I am overwhelmed with the fact that we are halfway done with this pregnancy.  We are completing our registry last week and it hit me really hard how real this is.  We're picking out furniture, we're going to start redoing the 2nd bedroom to be a nursery really soon, and his kicks are more frequent, reminding me that he's really here and we're really going to have to take care of this little boy for the rest of our lives.      

20 week bump



 On an up note - we've settled on a possible child care situation. Coincidentally one of Matt's coworkers and his wife are expecting just one week before we are due!  I met them for the first time and I started keeping in touch with the mom and she's totally interested in possibly doing a nannyshare with us.  Hopefully everything works out with that plan - because a nannyshare will save us both a ton of money and not burden my mom so much (who had so graciously offered a couple days a week to help us out).  We'd plan to switch off houses monthly and I'm so glad that the other mommy and I have see eye to eye on a lot of qualities we're looking for in a nanny!
 

21 week bump!!


In less than a week Matt and I are ready to get out of here and sail away on our one and only babymoon!  We are headed out next Wednesday, Feb 8 to Ft. Lauderdale and leave on Feb 9 on Royal Caribbean's Liberty of the Seas!!  The cruise is 4 nights and we're doing one stop in Cozumel where we're doing a full day tour of Tulum - one of the Mayan ruins.  I am pumped to have some R&R with the hubs before there's not much of it for us after June =P.  I promise to post right when I get back with tons of pictures of my pregnant self in a bikini :).


Last Pic is from Xavier's anatomy ultrasound.  We didn't get the greatest pictures from this ultrasound tech, but you can see his big head and little hand waving hello to everyone!  Last Thursday, the day before Matt left for a weekend away in Las Vegas, Xavier kicked hard enough for Matt to feel it.  I thought it was Xavier's way of saying bye to his daddy.  Matt's face and reaction was beyond what I can describe (and I'm sure Xavier was excited to say hello for the first time).


big head = big brain!

Xavier: Mommy and Daddy are excited and anxious to meet you.  We know this last half of pregnancy is going to fly by, and we just can't wait to meet you.  Thanks for being a cute little one and kicking lots so your mommy doesn't worry.  I'll do my best to limit purposely drinking orange pop to give you sugar rushes ;).  We both love you!
 

I love onions :)

17 weeks this week!!  Our little baby is about the size of an onion and about 5 inches and 6 ounces.  His skeleton is changing from cartilage to bone and the umbilical cord is getting much stronger.  Last week his taste buds started to form, hearing started - thanks to bones growing in his ears, and hair, eyelashes, and eyebrows started to form.  Our little one is growing up so fast!!  

Our little man and his winkie ;).

If you didn't have the chance to check out our reveal video in the last post, we found out at 15 weeks that our little baby is a BOY!  Like I said a few posts ago - mostly everyone would guess it was a girl (even myself!), so it was a shock and awesome surprise when we found out our little herman was a MAN :). We had an elective 3d ultrasound done, and will have another anatomy ultrasound through our hospital done at the end of this month to confirm, but it was pretty definite that we saw what we saw :).  I'm pretty nervous to go out to eat with everyone that will want to get back at me for non-plate stacking through these years, but superstitions didn't hold true and I'll do my best to not pop when I see you stack!!


We were pretty torn on the name, but kept going back to Xavier.  We loved the name because it seems really strong, cool and sweet.  Let's face it - its a pretty badass name.  Before we could confirm, many people already started calling him Xavier or X thinking it was set, so we figured it was meant to be :).  Our little Xavier Lee or baby XL is on his way.


The last few weeks I didn't feel like I was getting that bigger until I looked back on my pictures.  Clothes are definitely tighter and I am starting to really appreciate all of the maternity hand me downs and gifts from everyone :).  Check out hump day bump day pix from weeks 15- 17:

15 weeks

16 weeks

17 weeks

They say around this time you start to really feel your little one inside and boy is he making sure I know he's there.  Yesterday it started out like a gassy feeling until... bloop!!  It felt like a bubble had popped or a lava lamp was bubbling in me.  He was telling his mommy to not be so bored at work =P. 


We also started our search for a part time daycare.  We're lucky enough to have my mom volunteer 2 days out of her free time to watch our little one once I go back to work.  We feel really blessed since she's already working full time, but I'm sure she won't mind being with her first grandson semi-often :).  Matt and I are a bit overwhelmed with the costs of daycare (anywhere from $1500 - $2000/month for 3 days/week).  We figure that we'll figure it out and in the meantime are on the wait list at a couple locations hoping to have the option to consider by September.  


Matt and I decided it would be a great gift to ourselves to schedule a babymoon this upcoming February.  We're going to spend 4 days starting on February 9 on a Royal Caribbean cruise headed to Cozumel.  We are excited to spend 4 days to ourselves, eating, relaxing and eating some more!!  

Our baby Xavier: Every morning and night we make sure to say good morning and good night to you.  I hope you know how much we already love you and how much that love grows everyday.  I love that you're my little monster and starting to kick and move.  Every time you kick, pop or move is one moment closer I feel to you.  We wake up every morning imagining you were already there with us.